Lunch Time Bonding Over Fish

I have had a bit of a blessing recently at my job. I didn’t get a promotion. I didn’t get a raise. The blessing is that, recently, my son, his fiancée, and my son in-law all retained employment at the company where I work. While we all work on separate, autonomous teams, I am afforded some quality time with my son that I don’t normally get.  My 26 year old son, Tom, has probably spent more lunches with me in the last month than we have spent together in the last five years. It’s really been great.

Tom and I were putting our hereditarily warped minds to great use when Tom posed a very poignant question. How is it that humans become the hunters of the other animals in the kingdom. Sure, humans have better weaponry. Still, how did this all work out? Did a bunch of animals put their names in a hat and human was the first one picked? I would imagine that deer, for example, might still be pretty sore over that outcome. It probably is still a frequent topic at town hall meetings.

Ronno: Prince Bambi, isn’t there ANYTHING we can do to change our arrangement? It’s getting to the point where we can’t go anywhere safely once October hits and there’s no let up until at least January.

Bambi: Mr. Ronno, the council is very aware of your concerns and they have been taken under advisement.

Ronno: TAKEN UNDER ADVISEMENT? Last week, my cousin was taken out by a soccer mom in an SUV. Two months ago, Mr. Flower lost his brother to some college kid in a Volkswagen Beetle.

Bambi: Yes, I Know. The council recalls that Mr. Flower raised a pretty big stink about it in the last meeting.

Flower: THAT’S NOT FUNNY, BAMBI! DO I MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOUR MOM?!!!! [Security forcibly removes Flower]

Then, of course, Tom and I got to wonder about fish. There is a part of catch and release policy that is somewhat admirable. Still, think about it. A fish happens to be up at 5:00 in the morning when he is drawn toward the scent of some of the most God awful smelling stuff on the planet. As bad as it smells, he goes toward it and ZIIINNNG!. His mouth gets pierced by a hook. He is pulled from the water (which threatens his life even more). The hook is pulled from his mouth and he is placed back in the water. All is well, right? NOPE! There is the chance that said fish will go roaming around again. He never picks up on the fact that is is 5:00 AM again. He never picks up on how quiet it suddenly gets. He just follows the trail of stink and ZIIINNNG!

Now, imagine if you will if the role was reversed. You get up at 5:00 and take a drive to the grocery store. As soon as you go into the store, you pick up on the fact that someone has left a chicken rotting in aisle 3 for what smells like has been at least a week. It is also VERY QUIET in the store. For some strange reason, you walk toward aisle 3 and ZIIINNNG! You bottom lip suddenly gets pierced by a hook. You look like 70’s punk rocker. You notice that you are being pulled by this hook. It HURTS LIKE CRAZY!. Then you notice on the other end of this hook is…Charlie Tuna. Charlie uses a pair of rusty pliers to pull the hook out of your lip (which HURTS LIKE CRAZY!) He then walks you to your car and says: “There ya go, Buddy!” Of course, the law of averages dictate that you and Charlie will meet again many times. You won’t even pick up on how quiet it keeps getting. ZIIINNNG! Bill Dance must have nightmares about this stuff when he eats too close to bedtime.

These are the kinds of things Tom and I discuss when we have lunch. I look forward to the next break.